My Babies are Growing UP

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Right now I can’t sleep.

I need to be in bed, asleep, and rested for tomorrow but there is too much running through my mind.

I don’t know if it’s my ‘irrationally emotional’ time or that my little tiny baby just turned 5 but I am a little emotional at the thought of how big my kids are.

I wish the days were cut in half and there were double the amount of days, or that I had more energy. I stay home with my kids but I feel like I never see them. I go to sleep with good intentions and wake up grouchy. When I finally get out of bed I immediately start my chores instead of sitting with my babes. Having play dates and saying ‘go play with your friends,’ going to the playground and saying ‘go play,’ putting them down for naps or bedtime quickly so that I can go be alone.

I sound like I am having a pitty party for myself. In reality, I know I am a good mom. We do a ton of fun stuff and  my kids feel loved. I know I am not alone in feeling like I could be doing more with/for my kids.

I think about my kids when they are asleep and thank God for every piece of who they are,  the good and the bad. While I am laying there I am wondering why it is is so hard to keep my patience day in and day out. Then when they wake up, those very traits that I am thankful for I am now rolling my eyes at.

I am struggling with the fact that I can’t give Valor as much attention as I gave Valentine at this age. That he is adventurous and strong willed. I fight him on everything  instead of being proud that he is going to live out of the box. As a person who grew up totally in the box I can’t wait to see where his drive takes him.

Valentine follows the rules and is a little mommy. She cleans up when I ask her, she helps Valor when he needs it, she reassures him when he is hurt or scared. She is a little me with a lot more patience.  I expect so much out of her that it scares me.

I want to be present. I don’t want to have regrets. I want to love on my kids and keep reminding myself that they are only this tiny for a while.


My Time


My Sister-In-Law asked me the other day, “Are you still enjoying being a Stay at Home Mom.”

It was a legit question, after all she had just sat through brunch with me while my kids were running up and down the patio. Thank goodness there was a patio.

I thought for a second and replied, “Yea, it’s just hard. I have to split my dreams. Before I had kids I didn’t realize I’d have to split my passions.”

I love being a mom more than anything. I feel that that is pretty evident if you follow any of my social media. I am literally obsessed with my kids. They are who I am. In fact, I sent an email today and signed it ‘Thanks, Amber Gallegos, Valentine’s Mom.” Is that really my identity? But when it comes down to it. I was and am a lot more than “Valentine & Valor’s Mom.” I have things I love to do. Things that make me interesting. The things I was and am passionate about that David fell in love with me for.

I often wonder if I’d have waited to have my kids maybe 5 more years, what are all the things I would have done differently?

I’d have gone on dates with David all the time and stay out late with all of our friends. I would have woken up with David on a Saturday morning and watched TV, grabbed brunch, cleaned together, gone shopping. Whatever WE wanted to do. We’d have taken naps in the afternoons and argued about when we were going to start having kids.

I would have danced more. I’d have maybe joined a professional dance company and kept dancing. At the time I got pregnant I had just finished a year as a dancer for an IFL team. It was fun, but I wish I could have had the chance to be on other performing companies as an adult. I feel like when I was younger I never realized what I had until it was gone.I had all the time in the world to do with my time what I wanted. And only what I wanted.

My life was just beginning when I got pregnant. I had finished Cosmetology School and was done with my internship. I was ready to work long hours and get things going. I had the world ahead of me. And not that I would change my situations for anything, but what would my life have been like if I could have worked as much as my body would let me work. And 5 years ago that is more than it wants me to now. ha.

Don’t get me wrong. I love where my life has taken me. I love that I own my own business and that I get to pick my own schedule. I love that I get to spend my days drinking coffee with my best friends and watching my kids smile. I love that David and I are happy and content with our lives. I love that I am a young mom. I love I love I love…but at the same time I miss I miss I miss my time and the ability to work as hard and as long as I wanted to at whatever I wanted to be good at.